April 2009
43 posts
People I would like to join Twitter, with examples...
Batman: “I am the night! Also, @AlfredP-we’re out of cottage cheese.”
Neo from The Matrix: “Seriously, you’re telling the machines the minutiae of your private lives? Did you learn nothing from my movies? Besides how to make shitty movies?”
George W. Bush: “@BarackObama—Man, would I hate to have your job.”
Holden Caulfield:...
Articles I would write for Slate if they were ever...
Would Batman support gay marriage?
How many Supreme Court Justices does it take to change a lightbulb(and the surprising precedent that sets the number higher than you’d think)?
Oceans under attack—is sodium to blame?
How to choose the houseplant that’s kindest to the environment.
Did the dinosaurs really go extinct?
I got a college degree for this!?
Why only retards...
Maureen Dowd Interviews the Inventor of the Electric Chair
NEW YORK — Alfred Hitchcock would have loved Sing Sing Correctional Facility. Psychos gathering everywhere, loitering by the wall in groups, hunched over the mess hall tables, biting down on pillows, and framed for crimes they didn’t commit. I assume Hitch loved psychos, because he made a movie about one. I assume it was...
Concerning Recent Unfortunate Incidents At The...
Dear Colleagues:
We are all saddened by the events of last Tuesday, when a young child on a school trip swallowed some of our product and choked himself to death. The greatest tragedy is that this would have been preventable had someone not taken the last Sprite from the vending machine.
I am not denying that there were plenty of Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper and even Dasani Water bottles available...
Answers to questions received so far. Not that I...
toldorknown:
What makes YOU laugh out loud?
Honestly? Pretty much anything. The guys in my comedy class enjoy having me in the audience, because they know I’m an easy mark. I have a very loud, often piercingly high laugh that blasts out my mouth like a shotgun, though, and people get really annoyed by it. And they often think it’s fake, too.
What prompts my laugh quicker than...