Friday the 6th of November, 2009  

Dear City Planner,

I’m writing to you because I have recently become distressed as to the slope of my roof. What if I want to store things up there? Where am I meant to keep my snakes?

Yours,
Mike Fall

Dear Mr. Fall,

You appear to be very confused about what a city planner does. We had nothing to do with your roof — that would be the responsibility of your architect or project manager. They probably built the roof to slope so that rainwater does not collect and stagnate, creating a health hazard for you and your neighbors.

I hope you manage to work out a situation for your pets. I must remind you that local ordinance requires that all serpents be kept in an appropriate enclosure.

Sincerely,
Erin Coule,
City Planner

Dear City Planner,

One of my pythons has escaped and is slowly squeezing me to death.

Help,
Mike Fall

Dear Mike,

That would fall under the remit of the local emergency services, not city planning.

Best wishes,
Erin Coule,
City Planner

Dear City Planner,

He escaped because I tried to put him on the roof and he slid off it and onto me.

In quite a lot of pain here,
Mike Fall

Mike,

Still not a situation that requires the intervention of the city planning department.

Please stop sending us letters,
Erin Coule,
City Planner.