Saturday the 24th of July, 2010  

Security.

Um, okay, so, when you open up my laptop you might see some — how do I put this — some disreputable folders sitting on my desktop. I want to, uh, I want to reassure you, and tell you, Kate, that you really don’t need to look into them. In fact, please don’t, because they contain plans for — um — for your birthday! Yes, many birthday plans, and presents, and yes I know it was only recently your birthday, but I am planning ahead.

So as I say, just please ignore the folders labelled “Porn”, “More Porn”, “Pornography”, “Hentai”, “Pr0n”, “Porno”, and “XXX”. I just used those names because I thought they might work as red herrings, to stop burglars looking in them. Because we… we don’t want any burglars to… to learn your birthday plans.

The file you are looking for will be in the folder marked “Kate’s Dad’s Funeral Arrangements”, which is in the folder “Shit That Isn’t Porn And Is Thus Stuff I Don’t Care About.”